I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
