dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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