Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
