I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
