Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
