Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
