Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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