I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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