you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
