Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
