He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
