Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
