normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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