The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
