so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Text me some of your sweat
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
