My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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