anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
