And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
