your parents love me but you hate me
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
