My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
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