Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
