the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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