I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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