can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
