you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
