Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
