it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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