Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
