remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
