guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
