when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
