Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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