this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
