He is such a slut. More and more my type.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
