In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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