And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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