Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize