why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
