Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
