The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm really busy with my period
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