Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Pooping to opera.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
