Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you traded sex for a burrito?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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