I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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