So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
