i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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