she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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