So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
