Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
