ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
