yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He better not be in your backpack
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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