capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
