My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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