I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
