went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
