I just pynch a tree in the face
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize