Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
