Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
