We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
