I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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