this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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