My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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