singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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