thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
MIDGETS
????
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
