Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
