My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
