I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
