Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Someone came in the potted fern
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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