the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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