I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
