i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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